Grace from the Ashes

Tomorrow is one of those days.  The kind that brings back a flood of memories.  The kind that I dread.  No one remembers the date.  Not my family.  Not my friends.  I even had to dig out my old 2011 calendar to figure out what the actual date was.  I knew it was coming but I wasn’t sure when.  It is not a birthday.  It is not the date my daughter went to Heaven.  But it is significant all the same.

Tomorrow will mark 4 years since all my children, my whole family, was under one roof.  Tomorrow marks the day that my daughter embarked on a summer adventure that turned into the adventure of a lifetime.  The adventure when her life ended.

No, the real mourning will happen later, next month, when we count another year since we felt her, heard her voice.  When we mark 4 years since we had to say good-bye for now.  But tomorrow will start the process, the build-up, the memories.

Tomorrow also marks the first day of our summer.  The first day that all the kids are home.  Some moms love it, the lack of schedule, the relaxation.  As a mom of an autistic son who really likes the same routine every day, it’s not so good.  Adding his rigidity and stress to the mix of three other younger personalities can make for a very challenging 10 weeks.  And honestly, I feel completely inadequate for the task.

2 Corinthians 12:9 reads, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’  

I think I need to make this my theme verse this summer.  I can’t do it.  I already feel defeated.  Tired.  Inadequate.  But my Father God can.  He had enough strength to create the universe so I am absolutely convinced that He can easily supply enough for me.  I just need to learn to lean.

I’m not sure what tomorrow looks like, much less the summer, but I know my Father God’s grace is still here.