After almost 9 months of blogging, it still feels very lonely over here in my corner of Cyberland . It still feels like I am just adding to the mountain of words that are already out there. It feels like I haven’t got anything of significance to say.
I recently joined a Christian Woman’s Blogging group and I really love it. It is a group of women who are all trying to make a difference to the world for their Saviour by blogging. They are a varied group. It seems that a number of them are very accomplished. Some have published books. Others blog on important sites life the Huffington Post. Being a part of the group can be encouraging but it can also be discouraging. I recently read a post from a woman in the group. She is a new-ish blogger and she was asking how to increase her blog traffic. She went on to say that on her best day she had 600 visits to her blog and she had an average of 200 visits per day.
I was shocked. I was also jealous! I have been on sites trying to find out how to increase my blog’s traffic. I have tried posting at optimum times of day. I have tried using social media to publicize my blog. I have changed my blog’s appearance so many times that I can hardly remember what it looks like anymore. I would love to do what she is doing. I want to have that many readers. Then I would feel like I am doing something important. Then I would feel like I matter. Then I would feel like my blog matters.
My good friend recently reminded me that “comparison is the thief of joy“. Have truer words ever been spoken? I need that reminder constantly. I need to re-train my brain to stop looking at others. I compare my blog with other bloggers. I compare how thin I am (or not) compared to the other women around me. I compare my kids to other kids I know, to my kids’ friends. I have a comparison problem.
I have even blogged about comparing before but I am just like the man in the mirror in James 1. Verses 23-24 says that:
“Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”
I forget what I have learned every single time. I can’t seem to make it stick. Maybe I need to post it around my house. On the wall beside my computer, where I sit and write. On the bathroom mirror, where I get ready everyday. Beside my bed, where it is the first thing I see every morning and last thing every night. I need to remember it that badly.
My 7 year old daughter came home from school yesterday and told me that she couldn’t read. She is struggling. Her teacher has called me about it but I haven’t mentioned it to Sarina. She doesn’t need to know that. I think she believes she can’t read because she compares herself to her twin brother. Even this morning, she was reading a chart I had taped to my pantry door and her brother kept finishing the words for her. It hurts me to think that she is comparing herself to her brother. It hurt me to see her get discouraged because of comparison.
How much does my comparison hurt my Father God? He doesn’t compare me so why should I compare myself to others?
My Father God has always been so faithful to me. Every time I want to give up on my blog He puts someone in my path to encourage me. It happened just the other day at the grocery store. A lovely woman I have known for years told me that she loves my blog. She is looking forward to the day that I am a published writer. I need that more often than I like to admit. I feel like I have been blessed with some very faithful friends who have been there for me. They read what I write and even tell me to keep on. All because they listen to the Holy Spirit inside of them. Thank-you for that.
Pete, my husband, has been incredibly supportive through this blogging journey. He has been patient when I stayed up late because I just had to finish a post. He has read draft after draft after draft. He has never complained. He keeps telling me that he is proud of me.
He also reminds me that there might be one person out there who needs to read what I feel compelled to write about. There is one person who needs to know how much God loves you. There is one person who needs to know that God is faithful. He is strong enough to sustain you. He is personal enough to know you intimately and yet still accept you. He is powerful enough to protect you. He is mighty enough to save you. He wants to. He offers grace to you. Unmerited favour. Grace.
There is one person, maybe one mom, who needs to know that I have lost a child, my daughter, and I can go on. I have to. This is the journey I have been given and I am just trying to walk it with integrity every day. And occasionally I write about it. Someone needs to know that there is hope. I know I will see my daughter again. Maybe someone needs to know that there is hope for her too.
So, that leads me to the question. Are you the one? If you are, I am glad you’ve come.